


This wasn't how it was supposed to be

by dead2theliving



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Relationship, Set just after Shiro disappears, Stubborn Idiots, keith doesn't wanna be the leader, only hunk knows that though, they dated at the garrison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27020659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dead2theliving/pseuds/dead2theliving
Summary: "Why?! Why would I want anything to do with you?! All we do is fight- we're already fighting!"And Keith is only a man, so he fights back."Yeah because that's what we do! We fight!" He pauses, face hardening in determination. "And that's what I'm doing, right now! I'm fighting for this- for us! Because what we are- because what we have- is worth fighting for!""You can't just-"He's at the end of his wit."Can't just what, Lance? Can't tell you how I really feel?!""I was in love with you! Okay?!"
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 89





	This wasn't how it was supposed to be

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be a bigger story I think, I found it lost in my notes from like January 2018 and decided to just post it because why not. It's not the worst thing I've ever written lmao

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. 

Allura’s words are still echoing around his head and making it impossible to even focus, let alone make it possible for him to realize that he’s talking until it’s too late to stop the words from falling out of his stupid big mouth 

“I don’t want to be the leader! That’s just what Shiro wanted!” 

It’s too late and now everyone is staring at him and he quickly averts his gaze to the floor, blocking them out as he tries to regain some semblance of control over his own god damn mind. 

It’s not easy with Lance going off in the background about how he never heard Shiro say that and how it’s convenient for Keith and and... and fuck!

“Lance just shut up!” 

He doesn’t mean to snap, but his head is fucking throbbing and he can’t fucking breathe all of a sudden and this is all too much. 

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize I had to cater to you, Mullet." Lance spits back and he hates it. Hates how Mullet had once been spoken so softly and with so much fucking love; and now it was reduced to a quick insult. 

It shouldn't hurt as much as it does. 

After all, he did this to himself. 

He's still glaring at Lance and he wants so badly to look away and leave and get as fucking far away as possible but this is Lance and when has he ever known when to walk away from Lance. 

"You don't! I was just asking you to shut up about me wanting to be the leader! I don't, okay! It is the last possible thing I want because Shiro was wrong! I'm not a leader and I never will be!" 

"Real convincing there, pal. You know I can tell when you're lying right?" He's relentless and Keith can't. fucking. breathe. 

"Okay, guys maybe you should-". Hunk tries to stop it, sitting up a bit and putting his hands in the air, but words are pouring out of his mouth before he has time to even think about them. 

"Obviously you can't because you don't know the first thing about me anymore, Lance!" He's panting and he needs air and space but he's in space and you can't-can't just-

"I wonder whose fault that is?"

"You weren't there! You don't-don't know!" He's screaming, trying so hard to get Lance to understand but also fighting with his fight or flight response and right now, fight is winning even though he knows he should flee. "You didn't see what the fuck I had to do o-or what I should've done and didn't!"

Lance almost hesitates, but he steels his voice and plows through. "Again; who's fucking fault was that, Keith?" He's too aware of the fact everyone is in the room with them. This was not the time or the place for where this was going but they had never known when to just fucking stop. Lance steps forward, still across the room but it feels threatening, and points firmly in his direction and fuck he's never seen Lance this livid. "You walked away. You fucking left. You left the Garrison. You left me." A pause, as if to really nail home the words. "You were the one who walked away without a single fucking word Keith so how dare you try to turn this around and play victim. You did this to yourself and now you hate everyone around you because you already hated yourself."

Hunk is still perched on the edge of the couch, arms awkwardly in the air from when he'd tried to soothe the argument. Pidge is gaping at the scene in front of her while the Alteans seem to flick their eyes between them all in utter confusion. 

They're all just there, fucking watching and listening and this was not something he'd ever wanted to have to confront let alone with a fucking audience. 

Because Lance was right. He had no defence because he was at fault and he knew it, but he couldn't face it. 

That didn't stop him from trying though. 

"You don't know, though!" He screams again, stepping away from the wall and waving his hands dramatically, voice cracking with desperation. "You didn't know how it was! Shiro was the only thing I'd ever had that even resembled a family! I didn't- I couldn't even begin to process anything other than the mantra repeating 'he's gone! he's gone! Shiro's gone!' and I couldn't drag you down with me!"

Lance seems heartbroken suddenly and his face actually falls into a look of raw pain and confusion. "The only family you'd ever known?" He whispers, voice broken but somehow still so damn accusatory. "Then what the fuck was I? Huh? What about Hunk?! Were we just company to pass time and make the world a little less dark? Was Hunk just someone to give you food he'd slave over if you said you were craving it? Was he just someone you went to when you wanted to see a smile or wanted a hug that could make you forget the world was evil?!"

The words make Hunk flinch and look down, and Keith almost stumbles at the fucking slaughter his heart just underwent. 

"And what was I?" He continues, never stopping and never even glancing at the others. "Tell me, Keith: was I ever anything? Was I even a friend? Or was I just someone to warm your fucking bed when the nights got cold?!" Pidge actually gasps, or maybe it was Allura but he can't think- "Was I someone to toy with and fuck with my emotions? Did you ever even mean it when you told me you loved me?! Did you ever mean a god damn thing you've ever said?! Not only to me, but just to anyone ever? Including yourself? Tell me, Keith because I'm fucking tired of wondering; what was I to you besides a faceless presence." 

And for the first time since the broadcast saying Shiro was dead, Keith was completely speechless. 

He's stuttering and gaping at Lance but Lance is standing strong, barely even wavering his stern and serious and broken expression. 

He has to say something. 

Anything at this point. 

It's not like anything could make this worse. 

He feels his eyes sting as he sucks in a breath, straightening his posture. "How... how could you even think something like that?" He whispers, completely lost on how... but then again, Lance had always been self-conscious and fond of doubting himself and his worth and his smarts and just-

"You didn't really do anything to prove any other alternative." Lance says, chin held high even if his lip quivers. 

"That's not true I-...". He grasps for something he'd done but all he can think about is how they were in a private school in the middle of a desert with no means of escaping and they were broke and even if they'd had money what could he have done for Lance? There was nowhere to buy anything more than flowers and a chocolate bar. There was only the building and their dorms and the... "The roof!" He shouts, surprising himself 

"What?" Lance asks, looking confused. 

Keith takes another step forward, words pouring desperately off his lips as he tries to convince Lance he's worth everything. "That night on the roof you found me." He starts. "I'd planned an entire night for us because it was our three month anniversary and I'd never made it more than a week and I needed to mark the victory with a stupid little celebration. I set up the roof with fairy lights I stole from some girl in my class and plants I took from the greenhouse a-and Hunk gave me blankets and pillows and he made us dinner because I can't cook for shit, but I still tried to bake you your favourite pie in the middle of the night but Iverson caught me and so it wasn't cooked all the way and tasted soggy and raw and it melted in our mouths in a bad way but you still laughed and you still said you loved it and we laid up there for... for hours just stargazing and talking about your family and our dreams and what our future could be if only we could forget the past and it was that night that marked it, Lance."

He can't stop but he has to breathe because he was just rambling at this point, words pouring out him at a desperate speed, so he takes a deep breath and takes another shaky step forward, now almost touching the back of the couch Hunk and Pidge are sitting on. 

"I said something stupid about wanting to start a family with you and you agreed but only if we could have thirty kids and a pet shark and I rolled my eyes and said okay, but we had to get a Hippo too and train them both not to eat the dog we'd have and you smiled so wide and genuine and I realized that I was completely in love with you and that scared me so much because it's only been three months and I didn't even know love was a real thing until then!" He pushes forward, ignoring Lance's gaping face. "As cliche as it is; I didn't know love could exist for real until I'd met you... and do you remember what I did that night?"

Lance licks his lips, swallowing deeply and drops his eyes, struggling to speak. "You walked to the edge and sat down, feet dangling from a fall I warned you was too high and you lit a cigarette because you had an image to maintain, and you said, 'one day we could have all that; or one day I'll finally jump'." Keith gulps. "And then you slipped over the edge and I screamed, because I'd thought you just killed yourself. But you didn't; you were just hanging there by your hands, waiting for me to pull you up and help carry your weight because you told me you couldn't do it alone anymore." Then Lance actually smirks. "At least, that's what you said was supposed to happen."

"But that didn't happen did it?" He whispers, a smile pulling at his lips. "Instead your legs got tangled in the blankets trying to jump up so fast that you fell and smacked your face on the concrete." They laugh, softly and fondly. "You broke your nose and were pissed at me for weeks because it ruined your 'perfect complexion '. That, and you said it sucked having to take away some time from your beauty sleep just to cover it with make up. I said you looked gorgeous no matter what". 

The smile slips from Lance's lips and he looks down, almost looking ashamed but too stubborn to ever actually be. 

Keith frowns, glaring once more. "So don't you ever, ever tell me I was using you. Not once did I use you for anything. Especially not your body." He wants to add that he was the one to make Lance wait until that same night, but he doesn't feel comfortable enough with the rest of them here. "I loved you, Lance. How could you ever deluded yourself into thinking I could fake that?"

Lance doesn't answer so he sucks in a breath and swallows his pride. "How could you ever deluded yourself into thinking I would ever stop?"

Lance’s head snaps up and Hunk gasps, then hisses in pain when Pidge grips onto his arm with her tiny, bony hands, mesmerized by the scene in front of her.

Ignoring it all, he keeps going. "All I want, is to help you all. But I can not do that being your leader. And I... I'd really like it if you and I could fix what has happened, Lance."

He's not very hopeful, but yet his heart still plummets when Lance practically growls, whatever joy on his face gone and replaced once more by anger as he glared once again. 

"Why?! Why would I want anything to do with you?! All we do is fight- we're already fighting!"

And Keith is only a man, so he fights back. 

"Yeah because that's what we do! We fight!" He pauses, face hardening in determination. "And that's what I'm doing, right now! I'm fighting for this- for us! Because what we are- because what we have- is worth fighting for!"

"You can't just-"

He's at the end of his wit. 

"Can't just what, Lance? Can't tell you how I really feel?!"

"I was in love with you! Okay?!" Lance suddenly explodes, arms thrown out and face red with anger and embarrassment and Keith just can't keep up with the whiplash of emotions. "And I though you didn't love me back." He continues. "And now, I'm ready to move on, and it's like.. nh! You're gonna build me up all over again! Well I'm done...". He pauses, panting for breath and slumping with exhaustion, the fight finally taking its toll. "I'm done."

And for some reason, Keith can only think to apologize. 

"I am so sorry". 

Not that it matters. Lance shakes his head and storms out, leaving Keith standing dumbfounded and heartbroken with the intense stares of his team. 

"Keith, I-"

"It's okay, Hunk. I'm gonna go train. Please make sure he's okay. He trusts you". And then he walks out, leaving the team to deal with his mess once more 

Shiro was an idiot. He couldn't even take care of himself; how the fuck was he supposed to lead an entire team?

This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah not the best, but I was apparently trying to be edgy or something lol I think I actually based this off of an edit I saw somewhere, a few lines taken from Lance's voice actor in Adventure Time. Either way, hope you enjoyed it at least a little :)
> 
> If you notice any typos please let me know!!


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